Toddlers with attitude: The onset of the terrible twos
Almost all children experience some form of the “terrible twos”. Although it is an emotionally trying time for parents, it is a normal part of your child’s social development. The term terrible twos refers to the changes in temperament your child experiences around the 24 month mark. This is an intense time for your child as he is becoming increasingly aware of himself and of the people around him1. Combine this with a limited vocabulary and a general lack of communication skills, and you have a possible recipe for a meltdown when junior can’t express how he is feeling with words. Your little one becomes easily frustrated leading to acts of defiance and the dreaded temper tantrum.
Warning signs:
Chances are that your child will not change from a perfect little angel into a monster overnight. Every child is different and some children may begin experiencing mood swings or shorter tempers earlier than two years, while others will be delayed by several months. There are numerous warning signs or symptoms of the terrible twos that your child will begin to exhibit around the 24 month mark2.
- Becoming fussy and frustrated over simple tasks
- Acts of defiance
- Negative verbal responses and the increased use of the word NO
- Sudden mood swings
- Frequent temper tantrums
Tips on how to manage the terrible twos:
There is often a predictable pattern with terrible twos behavior – watch for certain times of the day, activities or requests that consistently cause a mood change. Once you know this, you can decide what types of methods you want to use to curb and control your child’s triggers. "The key to managing the terrible twos is structure," says registered nurse Cindy Zizek. "Because children are experiencing so much stimulation at this age, they need structure more than anything. They need boundaries to be implemented, and they look to you for clearly defined limits." Below are some additional tips Zizek recommends for dealing with the terrible twos:
- Develop a regular routine – Although life with a toddler is very busy, maintaining a regular daily routine can be great in helping kids learn what to expect throughout the day and can help to avoid meltdowns
- Provide choice, but keep it limited – Do not allow your child to choose whatever she wants. For example, if it is snack time, offer your child a choice between an orange or a banana instead of asking what fruit she would like to eat
- Use discipline techniques – When your child is acting out, try using different discipline techniques to get your message across that her behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Using methods such as redirection, changing a bad behavior to good behavior, or giving logical consequences can be very effective
- Don’t give into tantrums - Do not give into your child’s demands during a tantrum. If you cave to requests to avoid the outburst, your child will think that this is an effective way to get what he wants, and he will be sure to use it whenever necessary
- Create a safe environment – Your child is a bottomless pit of energy and she wants to discover all of the new things around her. Make sure that your home and the places you and your child are spending time are safe and secure for endless exploring
- Use positive reinforcements – Do not yell at your child. Shouting will only further agitate the situation and it will send a message to him that this form of communication is acceptable
- Stay cool – It can be really tough, but try to stay calm, cool and collected. If your child sees this behavior, he will often try to imitate the same.
Preventing tantrums:
The signature of the terrible twos is the infamous tantrum. Many parents choose to simply ignore their child when the pounding of the fists and flailing of the legs begins. If this is a cry for attention, these parents refuse to acknowledge this way of communicating. Others will watch for pre-tantrum signs and ensure that the temper tantrum takes place in the privacy of their own homes. "A good rule of thumb in preventing tantrums is to avoid situations that could encourage bad behavior, like taking your child to the supermarket when he is hungry and tired," says Zizek. Thankfully, tantrums usually dissipate as soon as your child develops language skills. The terrible twos is a phase that your child will grow out of, and, in the end, this growing pain may not be as terrible as you anticipated. The years as a toddler are a time of wonderment and exploration. Your little one will want to learn and experience everything he can all at once, and will likely get frustrated along the way, but as he continues growing and developing, his frustrations and outbursts will become less common.