Rock-a-bye Baby

The importance of sleep is often underappreciated, but for new parents, particularly mom, it is essential. A sleep deprived family is an unhappy one. Sleepless nights ultimately affect the day, producing a fussy, cranky and inattentive baby, and sometimes mom too ! "Many moms feel guilty about sleep training, like they are putting their needs before baby but irregular sleep for both mom and baby is unhealthy, unproductive and affects everyone negatively," says registered nurse Cindy Zizek.

When is more important than how
The options for how to sleep train your child are endless, but recognizing when the best times are to try sleep training are vital to its success. Understanding the different stages of development that your child is experiencing will help to know when the best and least efficient times are to begin sleep training. In the book Bed Timing; The "when-to" guide to helping your child to sleep, developmental psychologists and University of Toronto Professors Marc Lewis, Ph.D., and Isabela Granic, Ph.D., examine the ages and stages during which the laws of development are on your side and sleep training can be a breeze.

Ages and Stages for Avoiding or Implementing Sleep Training ²

Approximate age	Emotional stage	Reasons to avoid sleep training	Reasons to start sleep training
0-2½ months	1: Basic regulation	Basic biological rhythms, including day-night differentiation, need to develop without interference
2½ - 4	2: Interpersonal attention		Babies are sociable and now have a regular day-night cycle, which can be adjusted
4 - 5½ months	3: Interpersonal expectancy	Babies expect their actions to produce response and they are more autonomous
5½ - 7½ months	4: Motor initiative		This is a very robust stage where babies are more interested in other things than tracking caregivers' whereabouts
8 - 11 months	5: Social referencing	Object permanence, social referencing, and search for absent people make separations particularly difficult
12 - 16 months	6: Motor practice		Upright locomotion and delight in the physical world reduce dependency. Babbling and proto-speech can replace absent parent
17 - 21 months	7: Social negotiation	Toddlers now see relationships as social and try to establish both security and independence
22 - 27 months	8: Social stabilization		Many babies have established secure feelings and are more open to adjustments in their social habits
28 months - 3 years	9: Social comparison	This is a highly unpredictable period. Along with social manipulation, real jealousy emerges and induces shame and self-doubt
3 - 3½ years	10: Family membership		Children now understand their role in the family and find comfort with stuffed animals and dolls
3 ½ - 4 years	11: Self consciousness	Many Children express insecurity based on fears of being seen as "bad" and more intense shame reactions develop

Sleep training methods
According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine no one method of sleep training is better than another; the key is consistency . Regardless of which sleep technique you choose, it should include relaxing rituals such as bed time stories, and should promote a warm and comforting atmosphere that encourages your baby to sleep. As Zizek explains, "because there are multiple ways to help your baby get some shut-eye, you may rely on more than one method based on the age and stage your child is at." The most popular techniques range from little or no parent involvement to strong parent involvement.

Cry-it-out
This sleep training method encourages parents to let their baby cry until he puts himself to sleep. The idea is that he needs to learn how to soothe himself if he wakes up in the middle of the night, and that without the chance to learn, he will never have the skill to fall asleep without the use of props . This method can be very effective for some infants. However, critics claim that cry-it-out does more harm than good, and leaves children feeling vulnerable and alone during a scary time.

Ferberizing
Possibly the best known sleep training practice, Ferberizing is an alternative to cry-it-out. It promotes the same idea of allowing the child to be self-sufficient, but in a gradual way. Again, this method is very popular and works well on many children. However, the frequent visits can be frustrating for a child and may even increase crying .

Pick up/put down
Pick up/put down is a middle-of-the-road philosophy on sleep. It is both a teaching tool and a problem-solving method. This technique was popularized by Tracy Hogg, known as The Baby Whisperer, and should be started from three months to a year. The method includes picking up the baby when he cries but putting him down immediately after he stops crying. This should be repeated as many times as necessary until he stops crying and falls asleep.

Gentle or No-Cry Methods
On the opposite end of the spectrum from cry-it-out, the no-cry method believes in removing all stress from baby's sleep environment. The idea is that parents just have to accept the reality that their sleep will be less than ideal for the first couple years of baby's life. Like many advocates of no-cry, Dr. William Sears believes that sleep training is unhealthy, and encourages parents to embrace their kids' natural and irregular sleep patterns .

Co-Sleeping
Co-Sleeping is when babies and parents sleep in the same bed. It is a routine often incorporated into the attachment-parenting school of thought, which encourages a nurturing, loving and intimate relationship between baby and mom . Many parents and experts believe that co-sleeping can not only be dangerous, but can also cause sleeping problems, like trouble falling or staying asleep. Conversely, others feel that the benefits of knowing their child feels secure and loved outweigh any negative consequences .

"Regardless of the technique, the most important thing a family can do is to start a routine from the beginning. This may not include any sleep training methods, but a routine will let your baby know that when you bathe your baby, read him a book or sing him a lullaby it is signaling the start of a process towards bedtime," says Zizek.

How or even whether to sleep train your child is a very personal decision that impacts the whole family. As Zizek explains, "There is no right or wrong way to sleep train as long as the process stays consistent and parents stay on the same page and follow through. Moms need to remember that they aren't alone, and if all else fails think about using the help of a professional, like a sleep doula, because a good night's sleep means a productive, attentive and happy family."